Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Eloping sounds so nice right now...
I think I’m missing the wedding planning gene.
You know, that inherent trait most girls have that gets them excited about throwing tea parties to get girlfriends together to create handmade party favors and invitations and other such crafty items. Or that makes them care about or want to scrutinize over the type of flowers or fabric of the table cloths. Or that programs them to think spending around $27,000 (the average cost of an American wedding!) on a single day of their lives is acceptable.
I find all of this terrifying, even nauseating.
I cringe at the notion of resurrecting arts and crafts class into adult form to make doilies or centerpieces – I can barely cut a straight line in a piece of paper and have no patience for gluing ribbons onto cardstock.
And I truly do not care whether the flowers perfectly match the place settings or the bridesmaid gowns.
I don’t even want to make these decisions or stress over them! All I really care about is having a fun, stress-free day with my hubby-to-be and our family and friends. And, of course, feeling gorgeous in a glamorous wedding gown! I am afraid that getting mired in the details will only set me up for disappointment when some of them inevitably fall short.
But what really turns my stomach is the cost. The thought of all the other ways I could productively use the money that's currently direct depositing into our "wedding fund" each week is unsettling and makes me question our sanity. Let's see... we could spend thousands of dollars to throw a big party for ONE night, or we could apply that money toward student loans, paying off my car, a down payment on an investment property, or even a future baby fund!
A couple of my friends are also engaged and well ahead of me in planning their weddings... they also gripe about the expenses and how scary it is, yet they didn't hesitate to book their venues and submit a hefty deposit. How are they able to calmly sign their savings away? When my travel agent sends me quotes for the different all-inclusive resorts we're considering for our proposed destination wedding, I keep finding ways to stall her and delay putting any money down. By the time I do come around, the date I have in mind will probably be taken.
Perhaps it would be a bit less daunting if the wedding costs among the various resorts were easier to compare. It's not even apples to oranges - it's like comparing apples to eggs to shredded cheese!
Part of the reason we're leaning toward a destination wedding is to avoid getting caught up in the details of planning. But just choosing a resort requires a lot of thought, as all of the resorts charge for their wedding packages in VERY different ways. Some packages include almost everything you need, while others offer more of a cafeteria style selection, in which you have to choose among different levels of service or luxury. Then you need calculate how many guests above the wedding package limit you plan to bring, for whom you'll need to pay extra per plate, plus the cost of each table which seats 8 at one resort but only 6 at another, plus liquor fees per person per hour (wait - I thought these were "all-inclusive" resorts?!)... but then you can subtract some of these costs if you have enough guests to book a certain number of room nights, which seems impossible to calculate when I don't know who's coming and in what room arrangements... and the list of fees, upgrades, and complex formulas goes on...
I aced AP Calculus, but all this math is making me dizzy! I tried to compile a spreadsheet to compare what the wedding would cost us based on scenarios of different numbers of guests and the different packages and perks associated with each of the resorts. Instead of helping me to feel more organized, this exercise triggered a mini meltdown! I became so overwhelmed, poring over the confusing wording of the brochures, unclear whether certain items are included, extra, or even necessary - the clarification of which could mean a difference of a few thousand dollars here and there!
I gave up and cried to Dustin that I didn't even want a stupid wedding anymore. But once I got over my tantrum and the sticker shock, I thought back to why I wanted a wedding in the first place - to celebrate our love with those closest to us. And our love is pretty awesome - definitely worth celebrating, in my opinion.
So maybe devoting one very expensive day to making it official isn't so silly, after all...
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